Compassion and Understanding

The support groups for people on the registry and their families daily hear horror stories of how community notification has affected someone’s lives. It’s strange in the country with diversified religions, almost all of them based on compassion and forgiveness, that people have failed to see the damage that is being caused to not only the offenders, but also their spouses, children and other family members.  I wonder when our American society is going to start showing this forgiveness, understanding and compassion that we as Americans say that we are so proud of. In the information below somehow I can’t but wonder if the five or six complaints that the landlady had came from people who consider themselves to be religious, and if so, how they will justify their actions on Judgment Day.

One of our members had this experience,

Well, it happened. After living in this apt for 6 months, the flyers went out and less than 24 hours later the landlady was knocking on my door. I’m month to month here, not much I can do about it. The landlady was nice, said it wasn’t fair but she’s had 5 or 6 complaints, she even gave me a hug and said she was sorry. She offered me another unit at another complex she owns but it is about 2/5’s the size of this apt for only $25 less a month, not even big enough for a couch AND a bed and probably not enough room for my computer desk so I just can’t take it, I’ve been in cells bigger than that. I’m already in one of the worse parts of town. If that wasn’t bad enough, someone turned my breaker off at around 5am this morning. No one is going to say or do anything to my face, I’m a big muscular guy, 5′ 11″ and 200 lbs of hard muscle and stronger than I look actually. I’m afraid of what I might do if I catch the person who did it.

For all my physical strength though, my mental and emotional strength are zero. I’m barely hanging on folks. I just found out my best friend probably has terminal cancer and I’ve been on the phone with her, trying to calm her and get her to stop crying. I’m dealing with my elderly parents and helping them and it’s a tremendous mental and emotional struggle to do so. Part of my family, who know about my situation, whom I was depending on for emotional support and a part time job, have decided to wait until I moved here to turn their back on me. I have a bad case of PTSD. I’m trying to get back into programming but I have no connections and I’m not sure I have the wherewithal to do the things I need to do to be a self employed programmer. Somehow I have to clear my mind of all this while trying to re-learn and get back to the programming world. Honestly I just want to go to sleep forever, but I won’t while my parents are still alive. When they’re gone I’m about 80 percent certain I’ll check out. I don’t want to live in this world without unconditional love. I’ve had good women who knew I was an RSO, beautiful and successful, who ultimately left me for the other things that come with being an RSO…..low income and inability to travel. It’s a tough pill to swallow when the woman who calls you ‘soulmate’ who was really the only woman I ever loved tells me via email one week before I was to move in her that even though it would be her dream to be with me, she wants to live in a nice house, have nice things and take vacations. I can’t afford any of those things and more than likely never will.

So that’s what’s going on. And I’ve been a registered citizen for 22 years, almost my entire adult life and it’s just getting worse and worse. I’m beaten down and tired…..have no hope

5 comments for “Compassion and Understanding

  1. Kay
    June 18, 2014 at 4:39 pm

    I don’t know if the man who says he has no hope will actually say goodbye to life any time soon but I am pretty sure that his parole officer would know where to find a place to stay. Anyplace is better than no place. I would say to him to look for others with the same problem and unite with them, make friendships – if he has a computer or someone who has one that can write for him, he can find friends with the same problem. Life is not about having a big and beautiful place to live in, it’s about finding out what we can do for others. Look for people who love God and you will find help. I’m NOT talking about the Sunday church hypocrites, I’m talking about people in the same situation as you are in who can tell you that they found a new way of living. There is a lot to say about this, but most importantly is that you are not alone and you need to figure out how to find friends and an adopted family.

    • Molly
      June 19, 2014 at 10:15 am

      Sadly, our experience in WI has been that parole officers are one of the biggest impedances to finding places to rent. When he was trying rent, his parole officer made him run the gauntlet of finding places that were a certain distance from schools, parks, churches, etc. He would set up an appointment, look at the place, and would be ready to put down a deposit. He would inform the landlord of his registered status based on his 1987 crime. This would be reported to the parole officer, who then took over. The parole officer would call the landlord – she would tell them how terribly dangerous he is, describe the
      sexual crime, and throw in other criminal history tidbits she thought might be interesting. The
      parole officers act as though this crime that
      happened nearly 30 years ago happened the
      week before. Of course, when he tried to pay
      his deposit, the place was suddenly not
      available. In Wisconsin, at least, a number of parole officers see their role as keeping registered citizens away from the good people of the state.

  2. Scott
    June 21, 2014 at 8:58 pm

    I am no fan of the registry myself. I believe with this registry idea it opens a person up to vigilante justice which could lead to gang assault and even murder. We as a country have failed miserably as far as rehabilitation on the outside of prison. People who spend time within a prison don,t always come out a chanhed man as most of the COs and crimes like this are a big NO NO to other inmates which leads to constant assault or mistreatment by staff and inmates.

    I too have been a victim of constant name calling and even threatened by neighbors such as today, It won,t be long now a**h***. I have been as much as followed and almost ran off the road. I went to the State Police and they say they can,t do anything unless they see it or if something should happen. What?
    I have come to my senses that when people who complain about identity theft I don,t know if I can really feel bad when all my information is made public via internet.

    We as a nation have become more of a vigilante society and forgot what truly sorry means and forgiveness has pretty much gone right out the window. I mean I can understand people commit crimes need to have some consequences but c,mon, All their Life?? Perhaps we should focus more on Reprobation as a whole for this country.

  3. Frank
    June 25, 2014 at 7:34 pm

    I can’t offer any words that will be of much comfort. I fully agree as a registered citizen myself that I have never encountered a group of hypocrites as those claiming to be “god fearing christians”. I have been asked to leave two churches because of these people. I’m currently sleeping outside a homeless shelter because they don’t allow “my kind” inside to sleep. I’m only able to find work washing dishes at minimum wage and for only a few hours a week. Prison treated me better than these christians do. Yet even though all seems hopeless, I still have my faith.

    Scripture says that on the day of judgment people will say “Lord, Lord, didn’t we perform miracles, save souls, and do all these good works in your name” and the Lord will say “Depart from me for I never knew you”. Again People will say “Lord, Lord” and the Lord will say “Why do you call me Lord and refuse to do what I say”. Does anyone have a guess as to why this is (rhetoric question)?

    What is the difference between the “fine moral upstanding pillars of the community during the 1st century and those of today (rhetoric question)? the answer is that other than fashion and time, there is virtually no difference at all between the hypocrites of old and the ones of today. The problem is that christianity has failed in it’s first and second greatest command. the first greatest command (if I may paraphrase to keep things brief) is to love the Lord with all you are and energy you have. He make his proof of this very clear when he said repeatedly “Those who love me keep my commands”. the second greatest command is to Love your neighbor as you do yourself. If you love someone as your self, there are some things that you are not going to do if you truly care about the welfare of another. Finally, there is the command to forgive [or you will not be forgiven]. this does not simply mean to forgive those who have done you wrong, but those who have done others wrong.

    I’ll let you in on a secret. It is written that you will know a tree by the fruit it produces. Likewise, you will know a person by their behavior, especially away from any religious authority. Those who behave as these hypocrites do have accepted the mark of the beast. This Mark is not a physical thing but a mindset that has been taught and accepted. It is written that the mark will be in either their forehead or wrist. Some say that these are to be physical locations but I say that prophecy often speaks of spiritual things with analogies. The wrist or hand is to action as the forehead is to thought. so the mark of the beast will be in the person’s thoughts and or actions. If you think I’m just blowing wind up your pipes, ask yourself this question, why is it written that many are called but few are chosen.

    I for one worry about my own backyard. I have learned that wining to deaf ears proffits me little. The ears of the ones who actually need to hear these complaints are too week willed to do what is wright or are part of the mass of haters. Either way they are not making things easier, as logic and reason would suggest, but are caving in to the masses of haters and fools because they are more worried about keeping their precious prestiege and “power” because it is the popular and easy thing to do.

    As at the end of WWII when the American troupes forced the German citizens to view the mass burial trences where European citizens of undesired pedigree were discarded, so this whole planet will receive the same slap in the face by the very person whom they claim to serve. Only this time, their penalty will be final.

    The only comfort I can offer you is that you are not alone. You are not the only person who is suffering this secondary and unconstitutional punishment. Any Civil ordinance, mandate, or law that comes with criminal penalties is punitive and thus punishment. Until people start waking up and seeing the harm they are causing and start presuring politicans to either abrogate or repeal these draconian sex offender laws or pushing legislation that promotes forgiveness, then nothing will change and whining to deaf ears profits us all nothing.

    I have always stated that I am willing to suffer for my faith. Because of my crime, I have been disowned by my own loving christian family. I am not allowed to practice the profession for which I have been trained and certified. Former coworkers have tried to kill me at a temp labor job by dropping a part of a rail car on me. My loving christian neighbors from my home state have run me out of the place I was born and raised. I am not allowed in any homeless shelter. I am force to wash dishes and scrub toilets just to earn enough to pay a single cell phone bill and by a monthly bus pass. Everything I have owned was either stolen from me, taken by “family & friends”, or lost because I could not afford the government approved extortion fees required for me just to exist as a free man. So believe me when I say you are NOT alone.

    There is a Jewish saying; “Be strong, be strong, let us be strengthened together”. Again, you are not alone. Regretfully, that is the only comfort I can offer. We are branded as social pariah, and are deemed unworthy to lick the boots of decent folk. They will not forgive. Until they change, this condition will remain the same. That is reality and it is not sugar-coated.

    • Scott Delaney
      August 21, 2014 at 9:54 pm

      I certainly can relate to you with the whole church mishap. I stopped going to church because of that. I just restarted gong to a mens group in a church but refuse to go to church simply because you never know who you might see inside and may know you through another person.

      I have had this happen on jobs which ultimatly led to harassment and caused me to quit due to unbearable working environments

      Churches have failed miserably and yes, they also fail at holding their own parishioners accountable to their behavior as well. Their favorite slogan when you mention about people backsliding is, We don,t want to offend or get in their business. Well, it is your business and as long as we as christians know about something happening we are called by duty to call them out on it and help them regardless of who or what the situation is. Nowadays, they categorize peoples sin and pick and choose who to forgive or who to reconcile with. Please know that I have caused many bad relationships with this argument and if people are going to meddle in anyones business, they better be helping them recover or offer help instead of causing trouble. I think every church these days have way too much room for hypocrites. If this kind of behavior is the example they (so called christians) set, this why so many people fail to go to church anymore.

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