For The Love Of Fails!!

Everyone loves a fail. There are literal hours of fails on you tube. My faaavorite fails are CAT FAILS!! Cats are so funny when they do something stupid!! Shows like “Jackass” are nothing but fails. Orchestrated, Choreographed, and otherwise. I have all of their movies and both of the “Bad Grandpa” films. Comedy. Comedy is all fails. Funny fails.

There are more serious fails. Wrecks. Accidents of all types. Darwin Awards for the stupidest deaths, all fails of a morbid sort. Just like when the fat girl threw up in 5th grade, we might be offended or grossed out by the aftermath, but we can’t bring ourselves not to look.

Oftentimes, we are sorry we witnessed a fail. Last summer, I watched helplessly as a motorcyclist lost his left leg when he was sideswiped by a minivan. That particular fail will never leave the eyes of my mind.

Fails have consequences. In 3rd grade, Ms.Cynthia carried a paddle with her and she was more than willing to take a swing with it to correct a fail. I was on the receiving end of it when I failed by falling asleep in her class during a film strip. Those who failed often in her class and didn’t cry when they were on the receiving end were hailed as heroes. My friend Chris was the REAL hero of the class. He got whupped FIVE DIFFERENT TIMES by Ms. Cynthia!! He NEVER CRIED!! Fail KING!!

Everyone loves a good fail!

It doesn’t feel so good when you make a fail. I never intended to take my fail that landed me on the registry. Honestly, I tried to do anything and everything to help others. I still maintain the truth that I never hurt or harmed another person. Ever. But the day my name was in the newspaper under the heading GRAND JURY INDICTMENTS FOR NOVEMBER 2014, I became the fail people were excited about.

Because of my fail, I am excluded from family gatherings. This includes Thanksgiving, picnics, vacations, visits, birthday parties, and out-to-eats. So far, I am allowed an hour at Christmas, but I am otherwise only allowed a few moments around my nephews. I can’t be involved in the youth ministry-and that hurts too. True, so many young people whose paths I helped guide have come back to me once they were of age to do so…that is my reward, TRUE, my Dad and Debmom go out of their ways to spend time with me and I am grateful, but the fail of my life, real or figurative, has left me behind on the path of family and friends.

It’s not a good feeling. I ask the people who condemn me to look into themselves. How would THEY feel if the worst thing they ever did or were accused of was held over their heads beyond the completion of their repentance. For sure, if they simply stole a cookie when they were 3 and had never done anything worse, the last thing they would want to deal with is, “Cookies for dessert!! Not YOU, Billy. You had yours when you were three!!” Nor would Billy like to be on a web page of cookie thieves, with entries telling what kind of cookie he stole, when he was caught, how likely he was to steal another cookie, all of this with a dire warning, “If you see this man near a bakery or near your personal cookie jar, contact your local police department.”

Fails. Fails can be fun. Fails can be horrible. Fails can be devastating. I would love to finish paying for my fail. I would love to be able to move beyond the worst day of my life. Maybe one day. But for the love of fails, the worst day of my life will forever stand in the way of my restoration.

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